Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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