he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
