hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
