you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize