i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize