I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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