Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
