I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
