i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
