Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
