Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
