I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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