I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
