I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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