Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
