Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
