we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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