I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
