your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
