i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
