What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
