i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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