i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
