oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize