Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
