I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
