Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
