The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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