I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize