watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
we're so committed to being not committed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
