Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
