If that was your dad, he is hot
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
