my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
