Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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