If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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