I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
