he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
