He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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