There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
