End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
