Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
