now i know why i became what i already was.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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