Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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