When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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