dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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