In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
