i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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