he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize