She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
