I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
