i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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