Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You pole danced in your parka.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
