I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
