Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
