Apparently you make a good broom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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