You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize