He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
