we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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