i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
