he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize