i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
