wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
