thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
