Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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