I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When are your genitals available?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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