I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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