Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've blown a few things in my day
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
