but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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