Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
