It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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