Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
