your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
