why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
