I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
