By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
