He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
