I will die if light touches me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize