Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
