It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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