I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
