So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
These tits shall not be calmed
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