finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
