i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
