you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
