Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize